Labels: zhen de ma? zhen de
Labels: how long will it take?
Labels: do you remember?
Labels: superficial creatures and i hate hate hate nights like this
Labels: are you the exception or are you the rule
Labels: it's okay
Labels: it's good to fall back on love
Labels: the heart is heavy and everything is blurry
Labels: i don't think he remembers how it used to be dear
Labels: take me away
Labels: i may not know it yet
Labels: there's a lot of love to go around
Labels: what it is and what it isn't
Labels: feels so alive
Labels: she'll never be better
Labels: i often wonder
Labels: they're not ready to handle emotions expectations and basically another person
how do you conquer big things when you can't even solve small problems? and douya and hh thanks for making my day in such a retarded way! Labels: just as we expected
Labels: breathe slow
Labels: what do you want from me
Labels: good luck
Labels: sick to the guts
7:18 pm
why does everyone want to achieve everything else but great and magical love in this life?
i want to achieve it, this life.
1:05 am
i don't care you better get the fuck up and jump 3 times now!
you're the only friend who will say this to me. it's quite amusing really.
3:31 am
i need a vacation to somewhere peaceful and away from here. let's take a train. no not mrt.
i think i need to watch He's Just Not That Into You to remind myself some things.
*edit at 3:36pm
wow i really dreamt of sad stuff. i was dying and i was crying in my dream and after reading cherie's entry i feel like crying again. because the very first para was what i was feeling literally in the dream. the bad things didn't just fade away when i was dying it just remained there to torture the very last bit of me.
and i remember what i learnt from psyc last sem was that you only dream of stuff that you don't usually think about. it's like subconsciously. so like i must have been pushing such thoughts to the back of my mind in the day only to get haunted by them at night. good job.
2:49 am
2:29 pm
1:27 pm
singaporeans know the price of everything but the value of nothing.
5:39 pm
and i will never understand. not now, not ever.
1:38 pm
the whole thing just becomes a joke and you're the only one taking it seriously. and i know i'll take it as a joke until i find the point where it's supposed to be serious. i think it's a xi fatt loongs'thing. so you know you shouldn't see it too seriously too. don't ever see it seriously. that way you won't get disappointed. and because i've decided not to see it so seriously, i'm more willing to take risks. and sometimes, risks may turn out to be something good :) and that's what i believe in now. taking things seriously in that aspect is just way too tiring. don't put in everything unless you're very sure that the other person is willing to put in everything as well. and i mean everything, to make things right. i don't believe in having any perfect combination kind of thing? it's just how much you want things to be right and how much you're willing to fix things when it goes wrong. it's a good gauge.
haha and johnny said, "phong is not amnesic, she doesn't forget things easily."
i just count the reasons that keep me happy and today i have one :)
10:30 pm
everything was just a lie right till the end and even after that. every single freaking thing. i was living in a lie. and after all that fucking shit, you can't even give me a bare minimal sincere apology. what kind of monster or beast are you?
12:24 am
apples on trees. The best
ones are at the top of the tree.
The boys don't want to reach for
the good ones because they are afraid
of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they
just get the rotten apples from the ground
that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples
at the top think something is wrong with
them, when in reality, they're amazing.
They just have to wait for the right
boy to come along, the one
who's brave enough
to climb
all the way
to the top
omg this is so sweet and inspirational from wc haha. thanks girl (:
7:40 pm
we'll find someone to love with our lives in their hands <3
3:46 pm
2:58 am
today is a good day afterall :D
oh and wq today i made friends with the guy you thought was cute from my school. i shall try to introduce him to you soon if there's fate!
5:42 pm
- Peter Pan author Sir James M. Barrie
interesting point of view. i came across this in some ntuc FREE magazine that claudine asked me to read. she asked me to read this particular story about this lady who got struck by lightning. very sweet and touching but kind of scary.
at this rate i'm going, i need a shrink. i just don't know how much longer i can hold out. everything is just crashing in on me at one go. life hates me.
whatever i do, i'll just never be good enough for anybody.
12:47 pm
"You are the poison. I am the antidote. Together we are in conflict, together we are in perfect union."
so beautifully written by John.
2:29 am
7:21 pm
anyway recently, i've been getting some inspiration and motivation from my angmoh lecturers. my marketing lecturer sees everything in a very philosophical way it's rather interesting and my strict accounting lecturer who calls himself evil. i can tell that he's willing to help his students and that under that tough exterior there's someone warm inside. but he likes to trick people with his words. the other day we stayed back to do this group graded assignment and asked him for help, after he replied i made him swear that he's not tricking us. haha. it's heartwarming when you manage to break that tough exterior and see the warm side of a person. it made him appear more human. he even stopped to tell us a bit about himself back when he was taking accounting.
oh and my english class, i was kind of nervous at first to present my research outline because everyone was like shot with questions from the class and my teacher. luckily, my teacher liked the idea and my classmates were into it as well. they even helped me refined my question. so i'm all the more motivated to do it well. another classmate wanted to do that but he didn't have the confidence to write about it so lucky for me. and this research paper is to be worked on throughout the whole sem and it has to be 10 pages so that's why it has to be something that can hold our interest.
learning is truly enriching. i think i enjoy learning. now i'm sounding damn nerdy haha.
1:19 am
1:10 am
firstly, i can't afford it and you knew it but you promoted them to me. i end up in debts and obviously do you even care that it ate up my savings. NO? sorry to say it didnt work and if i require a bigger quantity for it to work then obviously i've already been drained out of money. money was your priority, my financial situation was never a concern for you. so on what terms do i have to listen to someone talk about any of it when he's just out to earn money from me. it's people like you that gives the whole thing a bad name. exploiting trust and love without a conscience.
secondly, i don't need somebody trying to act friends with me and pretending to be all concerned and at the same time subtly defensive. i can differentiate ppl who really want to help or care and ppl who only appear like they want to help and then disappear with their so called "concern". rude one moment, smiley faces the next. either crazy or bipolar. maybe i can pardon for these reasons. and fyi, i have to present both sides anyway so don't have to get defensive. and worse still, don't try to act like you want to help me with my essay.
thirdly, i don't trust people who lie to me consecutively as though it's damn fun.
5:58 pm
if you guys have time, do read all of this:
http://www.richardseah.com/news/mlm-1.html
http://www.articledashboard.com/Article/The-truth-that-most-MLM-leaders-in-Singapore--Malaysia--Thailand-and-everywhere-else-are-NOT-revealing-to-their-downlines-/21062
there are just too many research and non-research articles and experiences shared to be linked here. it has been an eye-opener.
my dear friends, i hope none of us will ever be a part of it. and ironically, i must say it has given me inspiration for my research topic for english. i think i cld really channel some negative energy there. but one thing for sure, i was trapped in deception inside out. to be totally deceived by a person who may have been just deceiving himself. or maybe he doesn't think so. i have been moritfied by how every single bit just sounds so damn familiar it practically screams one name. i'm glad i'm out of it. i can finally heave a sigh of relief.
12:02 am
and to you who probably wouldn't read this, i want to be there for you if you allow me to. even if you don't trust the others, trust in me. i wish you would and not keep things to yourself. i really want the best for you and i know how shit happens. it happens to me all the time i'm so used to it.
i could really use some vulgarities right now but nvm it's really not worth it at all.
and for the previous entry, i must say it's a lovely song with lyrics that totally touch me. and just because of that song, those beautiful lines that mean so much to me, i've decided not to be asexual afterall :)
1:30 am
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